Teacher Jho is signing off.
After 12 years of teaching, I am finally moving on. Before I share why I decided to pursue another career, let me take you back when it all started.
12 Years Ago
I was invited by a former professor to teach NSTP. I never thought of teaching as a profession but it was the only choice I had during that time. To tell you honestly, my teaching demo did not go very well. I remember telling my professor after the 15 minute demo, ” Sir, Kinain po nila ako ng buhay.” (Sir, they ate me alive.) I knew right there that I wouldn’t be hired. But luckily for me, there’s this one student (my angel) who said that I should be given a chance. And that chance brought me my 12 years of teaching.
The Last Year of Teaching
The last year of my teaching went in a different direction. I had made up plans in my head that I thought were coming true. There have been goals achieved that I thought would pave the way to more years of teaching. I realized in the last quarter of the year that God has a different plan for me. That there is a bigger plan that is about to unfold for me.
My biggest fear is getting rejected. I got the biggest rejection of my life in the last quarter of 2018. I was at the lowest part of my life. I literally felt alone even if I was surrounded by people. Everything I knew about other people all changed. The saddest part of it all is that I felt useless. My self-esteem was crushed. All I ever wanted to do was to teach. I love being with students and teaching inside the classroom. And all these, I questioned. I questioned who I am as a person, a teacher, a friend, and everything I am and why I do it. I wanted to avoid everything and everyone that hurt me. I had to be me again. I had to see what and where I am good at. And though teaching rejected me, it was still teaching that saved me.
Teaching saved me
I’ve always wanted to write about this. I’ve had a few topics on my head about it but never had the courage to write or even say it out loud. But it was last month, that I casually said thank you to a former student who I felt was with me in the lowest part of my life. Even without knowing it.
I remember feeling really bad about myself, but every time I stepped inside the classroom, I regained myself. The classroom was where I felt needed, heard, and loved. I had students who believed in me. I avoided familiar people but sought the company of my students. Their stories, their jokes, and just their mere presence gave me a reason to push through. They were my saviors.
The year 2019 was a turning point for me. I learned that family should always come first. That the only people who really accept and love you for who you are, are your family. I also finally realized that not all people will like me, and it’s okay. That I cannot please everyone, that in someone’s eye I will never amount to anything. But to the right people, I am the right person. It was a hard lesson to learn, but a lesson I will forever take in my life. I realized that I am hurt, to see where I am heading. That the hurt I felt will be never apologized for, and that I should take it to myself to just be at peace with it. Another important lesson I learned is that whatever I did is because of who I am and not because I would gain anything from it.
Teaching has been my life, but I have been redirected. I might not be teaching inside a classroom anymore, but I will forever be an educator. I owe a lot of who I am to teaching and I am who I am because of it all. The classrooms I walked into, the students I conversed with, the mistakes that I did, the funny experiences I have. All these prepared me for the new responsibility I will be taking. And for that, I am grateful.
So goodbye and thank you, the teacher is signing off.